“Gertrude,
you're denying it but you know in your heart I'm right. You know it's
an unhealthy relationship.”, I said.
“You
don't know anything. There is nothing wrong with me. I am not that
terrible of a person. Hes my son!”, Gertrude pleaded.
“I'm
sorry, but he has already admitted to it. Gertrude. . . just admit
it. You are in an unhealthy relationship with your son Hamlet. It's
no longer just motherly love. It's intimate love that you have for
him, and he for you.”, I said regretfully.
This
was one of many discussions I had with Gertrude and Hamlet. I can
honestly say that I've learned more from this one case than any other
in my career. The three things prevalent throughout every interview
and interrogation were denial, disgust, and disbelief. It wasn't
simply two people interacting in a manner that was unethical. Now
don't get me wrong, they were aware of what was going on, but only
Hamlet knew of the extent it was going. Something in his mind made it
okay for him to approach his mother in this way. It had to have been
something significant to cause him to override his mind's normal
values system. I put all my effort into finding out why this happened
to him.
From
what I gathered, Hamlet was never very trusting in women. He always
thought that most were untrustworthy and saw them as betraying. Of
all the woman in his life, his mother disappointed him the most. He
was extremely perplexed about why she got over his fathers death so
quickly, and why she was already engaged to someone else. In his mind
she didn't seem to care about her husband. He felt that she was
completely fine with him being dead. The thought of loving someone
else was impossible to him. Incidentally, he started having feelings
for her. Instead of seeing her as his mom, he started seeing her as
an equal and a confused woman. He started to sympathize with her,
which in turn started the process of falling in love with her. Even
though she disappointed him, she was really one of the only women to
consistently be there for him, and take care of him. It may seem odd
to most, as it should, but being a physiologist I was able to stay
neutral and understanding through the whole situation and eventually
helped Hamlet see that what he was feeling was wrong. As for
Gertrude, she really couldn't get over the fact that she could
possibly have feeling for her son. That alone helped her to get
through the disgust of the situation.
In the
end Hamlet, Gertrude, and myself learned a good life lesson that we
all need to remember and take to heart. Our brain is the decision
making part of our body, but only our heart can determine whether
something is morally right or not. “If you have a pure heart, then
you will have a pure mind. Simple as that.” - Dr. Seize.
It can be awfully strange how the brain works sometimes. Even though it may be an unhealthy relationship, I feel that no matter how much counseling you give them, they will still continue to do whatever it is they are doing Dr. Seize.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to half to agree with Karliah. Sometimes counseling won't help they have to want to help themselves.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with Karliah, as well. Counseling is just that...counsel. It is not intended to help people change their minds, but to be able to construct consequential decisions. What decisions are going to bring positive outcomes as opposed to the decisions that will bring negative outcomes? Your diagnosis is for Hamlet, yet the problem seems to be with Gertrude. Perhaps she needs more counseling. There are studies that show how a son fights for his mother's love from very early in life. A mother is the first woman a son loves. I have read books on it before. The same would go for a daughter and her father.
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